I just love commercials and the incredible lies or, to put it nicely, exaggerations that most exclaim. I do enjoy many of the classic commercials from the past and present and get a kick – so to speak – out of the ones made expressly for The Super Bowl. But, if we allow our children to watch a lot of commercial television and therefore a lot of commercials, we are allowing Madison Avenue (yes those “Mad” people) to pollute their minds!
In my former career in showbiz, I once met a very famous cinematographer who told me he often loved doing commercials between movies. I was very surprised and asked why? He said it was great money for a short production with only a minute of film ultimately needed. When you think about what some of those big commercials cost – and it can be millions of dollars – they are the most expensive filmmaking produced, period!
But, I digress. I like to digress. This column is about the nonsense of many commercials and the incredible distortions or outright lies that perpetuate this form of advertising and, for me, the incredible naïveté of the consumer that believes much of them! As a parent, it is incumbent upon us to protect our children. We often think of the obvious things to protect them from. This is less obvious but very pernicious.
I know we can’t read this, but it looks important!
Let’s get started with a random list of claims I’ve observed from my limited television watching and my time listening to radio:
~~ Match any price or it’s FREE – A well-know mattress chain makes this claim. I love it. What does it mean? Oh, if you find a matching price, they’ll give it to you for free? No, they’ll just match the price. But, this has been such a successful campaign and it’s really so stupid!
~~ Money Back Guarantee – Love these money-back guarantees. The consumer has to work a heckuva lot to get the money back, not to mention sending “it” back. It’s a bogus claim because the advertiser knows most people will just throw the thing out (that doesn’t live up to its claims).
~~ Free Sample – If you haven’t learned by now that nothing is free, you are going to learn it right NOW. I once called one of these free sample offers. Yes, it was “free” but you had to give your credit card and they would then charge you for the next one, indefinitely. Try and stop those charges? Good luck! Nothing is free!
~~ Call in the Next Fifteen Minutes – this is an all-time favorite of mine, along with “Limited Supply,” because these ads usually run repeatedly for weeks or even months. Does anyone not get this lie?
~~ First Fifty Callers – same as the above – how can that be when the same commercial runs for weeks or months?
~~ Strict First-Come, First-Serve Basis – same thing as the previous two. Really, do they think we are that dumb? Evidently, because this line is used over and over again in numerous commercials!
~~ Free MRI Review – I love this one. Yes, it probably is a free MRI “review,” but who pays for the MRI in the first place? Duh!
~~ Mesothelioma and all other lawyer-sponsored commercials that express the desire to “help you” – yes, their mission is to help YOU! The fact that they take 50% of the “settlement” is much in the small print. Yes, we know how lawyers are so magnanimous!
~~ “The only hard part is which way is easier” – We’ve all heard this one a gazillion times for a well-known insurance carrier. I like these commercials almost as much as I “like” Flo. Someone tell me what that line even means? “Which way is easier?” – oh, which way to get the insurance? Which way to drive? Which way to the next McDonalds?
~~ “I don’t want to use nicotine to stop smoking” – so, let me get this straight. You’ve been smoking for decades. Now you want to stop. But, to stop you really do need to wean yourself off the drug, just as we do with any drug the vast majority of the time. Just as we do when we want to change any habit. Just as EVERY vaccination has a tiny amount of the virus/disease we’re getting a vaccination for IN the vaccination. Again, dumb!
~~ “Like it never happened!” – I love this claim from a company that cleans up after water or fire damage. Oh yeah, they can reclaim all your lost personal items such as photo albums, special one-of-a-kind art (e.g. from our children) and all the precious things we really care about when such a tragedy occurs. Yeah, SURE!
Note that I haven’t even touched on political ads, perhaps the worst culprit of them all! This list is short and I’d love you to add YOUR favorite commercial – or commercial lie/exaggeration.
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