Just A Guy Who Used To Be Single On Father’s Day

Posted on June 21, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

This Fathers Day, being recently remarried, I don’t have to face it wondering what to do and who will teach my boys to remember and respect me. But, in previous years, while I was encouraging them to make or buy Mother’s Day and birthday cards for their mother, who had abandoned them, there seemed to be no one to help them with the same task for me.

This is no feel-sorry-for-myself reflection, but a conundrum many single parents face when their birthdays or other holidays come about. I was vigilant in reminding them to remember their mother and her mother, not because she deserved anything from them, but because it taught them to respect parents, other relatives, and learn the right thing to do when they got older.

Just A Guy Reviewing A Book: American Parent by Sam Apple

Posted on June 19, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

Sam Apple recounts a journey I know well: the journey from childless husband to new parent. As a dad to two boys, 15 and 12, the memories of their births and the anxieties felt at the time have faded, to be replaced by current anxieties like my teen wanting to drive (over my dead body–or a “B” average, which ever comes first). His self-effacing approach makes this less a Dr. Spock how-to than a valuable calming tool for first-time parents. Apple’s book cannot be easily labeled—it is not quite a memoir, not quite a news report, and not quite a collection of humorous essays, but a bit of all of these.

Sam, as a journalist himself, took an investigative approach to all the current trends among new parents, from baby naming (yes, you can actually hire a consultant) to Water Births (I thought that only happened to fish), as well as stops to debate the value of Lamaze vs. Bradley methods of coaching during birth, Pre-Natal Ed, and whether you might need a Doula in the delivery room. Yes, a Doula. I’ll leave that for your reading pleasure when you pick up American Parent.

Just A Guy Reviewing A Movie: Away We Go

Posted on June 17, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

Away We Go is the newest movie from director Sam Mendes (Road to Perditiion, American Beauty) and, unlike his bigger budgeted studio productions; this feels like a labor of love; like an independent film. It’s a charming movie with just the right mix of humor, reality, and poignancy. It had this viewer laughing, relating, and crying at various times which, given my cynical view of Hollywood lately, is quite an achievement.

Oddly enough, it feels like the movie companion piece to a book I reviewed for momlogic called American Parent by Sam Apple. That book was about a soon-to-be father’s journey of discovery when his wife became pregnant. He researched various trends in parenting and giving birth, and approached it all with a healthy dose of wonder and are-you-kidding-me, when he dealt with some of the fringe movements.

Just A Guy Forgetting Everything

Posted on May 30, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

Okay, girls, it isn’t just you during pregnancy or menopause that keeps forgetting everything (or so it seems). I’m suffering it and I only was pregnant once! Seriously, I’ve been fond of saying for the past decade or so, that the only thing I remember is what I had for breakfast. And, the only reason I remember that is because I have the same thing every day.

Does anyone believe those advertised memory supplements work? I can’t remember anyone’s name. My wife’s name literally is one letter’s difference from my ex-wife’s name. It took nearly two years before I stopped calling her by my ex’s name. All the bruises I suffered as a result, and I couldn’t blame her.

Just A Guy Dealing With His Wife’s Menopause

Posted on May 17, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

I doubt there’s any way I can win writing about this menopause topic any more than commenting on PMS at all wins over women’s hearts. But, that said, I have to say women’s plumbing and emotions continue to be a mystery to me.

My new wife has been “in menopause” since we met, so I actually have no idea who she really is. First, there were the hot flashes. Then, the moods. Then, more moods. Then, the new moods began, followed by the post hot flashes moods. Did I mention her moods? When does menopause end??

Just A Guy Whose Kids Say They’re Bored

Posted on May 3, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

I’m amazed when my boys tell me they’re bored. Bored? With all the options they have today? The best response I ever heard to a kid saying “I’m bored” was “No, you’re boring.” A brilliant response from a parent and I wish I’d said it first. It is not our job to be our kid’s entertainment coordinator.

When I was a kid, we played. Seems kind of quaint. We made up games. One of my favorites was called Mongoose, where we took two books and hit a ping-pong ball back and forth between them with the object to see how long we could keep it going. Then, they’re all the adventures we’d go on in our own Huck Finn way. Places to explore, bikes to ride, trees to climb.

Just A Guy Who Doesn’t Know When To Trust His Teen

Posted on April 25, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

They say independence comes with the teenage years and I’ve witnessed my teenager go from clingy, in-my-face for every little thing, to closed door, on the phone, not interested in anything from Dad except what’s in my wallet. Oh, and a ride whenever he wants to go somewhere. I know part of this is good, but the other part wonders when to trust they are ready to be on their own?

Trust must be earned. Some things you just don’t trust, don’t take the risk, no matter what. A teen’s brain just isn’t fully developed, as hard as that is to believe, as the brain doesn’t really fully mature till their mid-20s and, in the case of boys and men maybe much later or never. Don’t trust me on this; do the research, as it’s a fact.

Just A Guy Dealing With Money, Money, Money

Posted on April 18, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

Potential lessons abound today, as we’re dealing with money crises, the worst of my and my boys’ lives. My boys will gain wisdom from this. So will I. Things often taken for granted will no longer be. I will live the life I preach and take the same, at times, harsh medicine I’m asking them to swallow.

The other day I was helping my younger son set up his computer. He inherited my old one. I looked around his room and realized the extraordinary amount of “things” he possessed and that he’d known no other way of living. There was a TV, DVD player, two or three portable video game devices, an “old” and “new” cell-phone, and more boxed DVD sets than they carry at Blockbuster. And, now, his own computer, albeit a “used” one. Nah, the lessons they’ll learn will serve them well.