My son, Arnie Sallan, wrote and performed this song with his buddy, Jay. Arnie did all the vocals, too. He then made this music video in honor of my book, “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation,” which you can find/buy at “The Store” here on BruceSallan.com.
The recent earthquake/tsunami disaster in Japan hit me very hard. The images and stories that were available so quickly were profoundly scary, real, and heart wrenching. I immediately reflected on my gratitude for not suffering such a tragedy and remembered my own brush with death (written about in my “Gratitude” column) where I walked away from what could have been a deadly car crash.
I was walking with a good friend who shared the ongoing problems he and his wife were having with one of their children. It was a serious problem. It was clear, on his face and demeanor, how troubled he was. I know him well and I know he is a good parent, an attentive one, a caring one, and a smart one. Yet, nothing they seem to do is helping with this one particular child, a young adult really, and it was clear that this situation was at risk of consuming their lives.
That old saying: parents are only as happy as their least happiest child, occurred to me when this friend was telling me the latest drama from their kid. I wanted to offer a solution, but knowing everything he and his wife have already tried, all I could offer was solace and gentle concern that they may be allowing their child to damage their other immediate family relationships. Sadly, he agreed.
I’ve had my “A Dad’s Point-of-View” Facebook page for about a year. I LOVE IT. It’s literally been a life-changer for me. It’s named after my column and radio show: “A Dad’s Point-of-View.” As of today (2/27/11), it has just shy of 3,500 members, as I like to call them.
Originally, Facebook pages called those who joined pages “fans,” but they changed it to a less clear designation later. Now, instead of becoming a “fan” of a Facebook page, which was the original option, you choose to “like” a page — does that make you a “liker?” Again, I prefer “member,” especially for my page where “fan” would be insulting given that we’re all on the same page, as parents.
It’s not often that a book about parenting will grace the cover of TIME magazine, but the storm of reaction to “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” by Amy Chua, the so-called Tiger Mom’s book is unprecedented.
I found my own reaction, as a “Kosher dad,” to be decidedly mixed. My Jewish background also prizes and values education, but we go about it slightly differently. Do we use the extreme punishments of Tiger Mom such as no play-dates, endless practice of either piano or violin, harsh criticism when a grade less than an “A” is received, and only the allowed social life of a monk? No, we consider those lightweight methods barely worth the effort involved. Our moms pull out all stops with their effective, frankly frightening, and completely terrifying tool. Guilt. Jewish moms are especially adept at employing guilt, as it’s been a centuries-old tradition. Rather than the medieval tortures that Tiger Mom employs, my mom would simply say, “Oy vey, what have I done to deserve this?”
I’m a baby-boomer. I’m a Yuppie. I’m a man. I’m a dad. I’m divorced. I’m re-married. I’m a writer. And, I’m sometimes a mess. It’s a confusing world, no doubt, and the evolution of technology in my lifetime has contributed to my confusion. Let’s consider what has occurred in the past half-century or so, since I was born.
When I was a child, media, and technology were pretty simple. Media meant the newspaper, three networks, and going to the movies. “Live” theatre and concerts were a special treat and the telephone had a dial and a cord. My family had one television set that residing prominently in the living room and it looked like furniture. Our record player, as they were called before “Stereo” was introduced, was designed to look like a side cupboard and was a complicated device that I was not allowed to touch.
Note: For the third time (I guess they just don’t learn?), I was asked to be the “Guest Professor” at Romance University, an online web-site for writers and others. My “course” was the piece written below. There was and is quite a spirited discussion going on at RU and if you’d care to read some of it or join in, here’s the link. But, following is the “course” for your reading pleasure:
Today it seems there are so many changes in our home and work lives, that the sexes often are unsure of what their roles are. Notice that I used the word, “sexes,” rather than gender. To me, “gender” sounds like academics and reeks way too much of the PC police. We are two different sexes and, while this may come as a shock to those of you in “Women’s Studies” departments at our elite universities, we sexes (e.g. men and women) are inherently different! Yup, different. Like in “Black and White,” “Ying and Yang,” “Laurel and Hardy,” and “A Burger and Fries.”
This video contains the Sallan boys Christmas sing-a-long we did about a decade ago to the Drifters version of “White Christmas.” The boys were about 4 and 7:
