Just A Guy and Therapy

Written by Bruce Sallan Saturday, 27 February 2010 06:14

As if it hasn’t been while, I may make a tiny mistake. Consequently, my wife and I do go to a therapist, on that rare occasion I may make a minuscule gaff. Naturally, my wife flubs up several times - an hour.

Joking aside, we do have our “stuff,” a word that will forever be enshrined in my mind with the late, great George Carlin (google him and “stuff” if you’re soooo old as not to remember that famous routine of his).  Maybe I’ll just provide it for you and save your lazy butt the effort?  Should I?  Okay, if you insist, here it is: George Carlin/Stuff.

But, I’m getting off track here. Does therapy work for you? I find we tend to just use most sessions as complaint fests. Granted we are the most stubborn two people I know, but do we really need to pay beaucoup $$$ to rant about each other?

We do get good advice from our therapist, but as a man I greatly respect has said about therapy and therapists - finding a good one and therefore getting value is not easy.  I think we have a good one.  We just need to listen to him once in a while, but what do I know; I’m just a guy.

Just A Guy Scared About His Son Having Sex

Written by Bruce Sallan Thursday, 25 February 2010 06:27

My 16-year-old son has a girlfriend, going on six months now and going strong. She’s terrific and so is her family.  They seem locked at the hip and they’ve even managed to avoid the common mistake of “first love” by maintaining their existing friends and not drooling over each other ad nauseum.

However, they are holding hands all the time and even when I knock on my son’s door before entering, they’re often on his bed together, clearly enjoying each other’s company.

Since I’m the dad to the boy in this scenario, I have to admit that my latent sexist leanings do surface. I’m less concerned about him having sex than him telling me about it, so I can vicariously relive my failed teen years.  But, seriously, I am concerned and I do worry if/when or have they already?

Her mom swears she’s talked with her daughter and there’s no way they’ve done “it” yet.  My son says the same thing.  Frankly, my only worry is that they don’t get emotionally hurt by having sex too soon.  And, since boys tend to have less emotional attachment upon having sex, I don’t want him pushing for it unless he truly cares about her.

I think they really do care for each other and I like to believe they will wait till the time is right.  I also want to believe I’ve taught him the values and morals that go along with treating her with respect and doing the right thing.  We’ll see as, after all, what do I know: I’m just a guy.

This Guy Talks Too Much!

Written by Bruce Sallan Saturday, 20 February 2010 07:15

I have a big mouth.  Anyone that knows me knows I’m highly opinionated and my family, in particular, lives with me both repeating myself and just droning on endlessly. It’s as if I don’t get an “Okay” or “Yeah, Dad” I assume my boys haven’t heard me.

Recently, I’ve begun a very stupid habit of complaining or voicing out loud issues between my wife and I, venting and expecting a sympathetic ear, to one or the other of my boys.  I’m not voicing anything of a deeply personal nature but it is still inappropriate discussion for them to hear from their dad, about their stepmother.

Our biggest bone of contention relates to the cleanliness and order of our home.  She likes it Felix clean while I’m fine with Oscar messy (the opposite comedic characters in Neil Simon’s seminal play “The Odd Couple”). Dog hair in the bed doesn’t especially bother us. Needless to say, the boys are boys and tend to feel as I do about this general issue.

That, of course, is NOT the issue. With a blended family, I should be doing everything I can to support my wife, their step-mom, and when or if I disagree with her, I should only discuss it with her.  We are struggling to find a balance on our respective wishes and desires, as every blended family strives to do.  I have to just “shut up” sometimes, without a doubt.

But, while I tell my boys how perfect I am, I’m clearly imperfect--an on going “work-in-progress,” and clearly, just a guy!

Just A Guy Being Friendly, aka Flirting?

Written by Bruce Sallan Saturday, 13 February 2010 06:24

When does being friendly cross over to being flirty? Can a married man ever be “friendly” with another woman without it being potentially misinterpreted or, worse, being hurtful, dishonest, or even non-sexually unfaithful to his wife?  I struggle with this, given my out-going nature and my wife’s somewhat reserved nature.

I also struggle with “looking” and there’s no question in my mind that it is completely disrespectful and inappropriate.  My “fix” (guys always have to have a fix, don’t we?), other than being aware of this deficiency in my make-up, is to walk a little behind my wife so she doesn’t notice the occasional lapse.  When we’re in a restaurant I strive to seat myself facing a wall and hopefully have her facing outward, so I focus on just her.

We are wired differently, as men are much more visually stimulated in general than women. So, even when committed via marriage or a monogamous relationship, we men can get distracted. The degree and amount of it is the issue along with the sensitivity of your partner.  Ultimately, the “looking” gets us nowhere if our intention is to stay faithful, as is mine.

But, the flirting thing is different. As I work behind a computer, at home, I tend to interact with everyone I encounter when I’m out.  But, to be honest, I may favor the good-looking women more than the fat old guys, as it brings me a little sense of validation and it’s fun.  Am I crossing the line or am I just a guy?