As a dad advocate that means I’m also a man advocate. Years of doing “men’s work” have taught me much, but top of the list is the fact that men need other men in their lives. A great way to have men in your life is to be part of a men’s group. There are many kinds of men’s groups. After you’ve read and agreed with this list, go out and find one that is right for you.
No one could ever accuse me of being too PC (politically correct). Just read my column on PC lies! I’m always willing to also address the inherent differences between the sexes, in honest and frank ways. Not only do I hate Valentines Day, I hate using the word, “gender” in place of “sex” when referring to men and women. Sometimes I use “gender” just to avoid the letters I’m bound to receive from the PC police, but since I’m taking on Valentine’s Day, I might as well go for it all at once.
The real differences between men and women, the sexes, is vast. Note that I used the word, “Sexes,” rather than gender. I hate the word, “Gender” almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct! So, a disclaimer: If you are a Professor of Women’s Studies you might want to go visit Gloria Steinem’s web site.
My wife says she’s about to leave to go to work. She waits by the kitchen entrance, while I’m in my office. I say, “Okay have a great day.” She waits some more until I finally get it and lift myself up from my comfortable chair, where I was working on my computer (she doesn’t consider that “work”) and I give her a kiss goodbye.
While I’m already up and totally disturbed, I go around and turn off ALL the lights she left on in our bedroom and bathroom. When I ask why she leaves them on, I get back, “I’m not done yet.” Hmmm, is the idea that they’re on 10 hours later when she gets back home? I know, I’m just a guy, so obviously I’m just lame.
There’s no question that technology changes faster than most of us yuppies and boomers can handle. I don’t know what the current number of years for technology “generations” is, but I do know that if you have children five or more years apart in age, they will each use technology differently. I’ve observed my own two boys, just three years apart, using social media/smart phones each in his own distinct way. My younger son relies almost exclusively on texting, while my older son actually occasionally talks on his cell-phone. Things may not move quite this fast with our state of gender affairs but I assert that we are now experiencing changes in our gender roles much faster than at any other time in human history. While I’m part of the sixties generation where we believed we re-invented everything, from sex to politics, established that anyone over 30 didn’t know anything, changed college life forever, was the first generation to have the pill, and the first to topple a presidency and end a war by withdrawal, we still have our own adjustments to these gender changes.
I remember when my dad had the sex talk with me. It was at a BBQ joint with sawdust on the floor. He talked mostly in euphemisms and I didn’t really understand much at all. Not a great beginning as I fumbled along for years to come.
However, I was determined to handle things differently with my boys and, as luck and coincidence had it, I ended up having the sex talk with each boy in the past few months. I sort of had it with my older one before, but he’d gotten a girlfriend and I had to be sure he understood the rules, obligations, and risks. So, we had a second talk, so I could be confident he knew the basics.
With my youngest, it occurred spontaneously the other evening at a crowded Japanese restaurant. It was amazing how little he understood or knew from school. For instance, he thought a woman could get pregnant any time of the month.
My recent blog about women’s bleeding provoked a comment that inspired this blog. Another dirty little secret about men, but one that I’m sure is less a secret, is how lame, naïve, and uneducated we can be about how women’s sexual parts work. And, what WE have to do to take care of them.
When I began having sex, no woman took the time to tell me what I was doing right or wrong. As a fumbling teen, I groped around a bit, made out some (does anyone say “make out” anymore?), and went for it pretty much as soon as I could or was allowed.
I really believed my efforts were so incredible that there was no doubt my partner was lying back in heavenly bliss vs. the more likely reality of “Is that all there is?” But, talking about sex between men and women or more appropriately for that time, boys and girls, just was too darn awkward and we didn’t. The idea of actually expressing what we liked and didn’t like was impossible.
I am more and more troubled by how male and female roles in our politically correct society have evolved. Clearly, I may just not fully understand and accept these changes, but I want to understand for the sake of my boys. I’m trying to teach them to be men, how to treat women, and to prepare my sons for the current social environment and workplace that we live in. And, frankly, I need to learn and adjust for myself, as this column will show.
I was raised in the fifties and sixties, where men and women had casual conversational fun with each other, both in the work place and out of it. It was fun and not harassment, to be clear, and included healthy banter and even occasional flirting. But, today this is forbidden and larger companies have seminars on proper work behavior that, I believe, limits camaraderie and rapport between colleagues. As communication often is via e-mail, the chances of misunderstandings are only enhanced.
