We just returned from a boys trip to Vegas. By “boys,” I mean my two boys, who are almost 16 and 13 and me, the oldest of the “boys” (according to my wife). I had to consider, yet again, the dilemma we confront as parents today, with the constant assault on our values and the non-stop sexual and violent imagery our kids face. We can’t fully shelter our kids, but what should be the limits? 
Tag Archives: parents
Just A Guy Recognizing They Do Grow Up!
My best friend’s son, his youngest, has been house and teen-sitting for us. He’s 20 now and he’s really grown up in so many ways. It seems the alien pod has left his body and the sane human being his parents raised has returned. Such a relief, as it gives me hope for my two to know that they do grow up!
When he was my teen’s age I remember an incident that really stuck with me, when his family moved. I had offered to help and was horrified at how they allowed and indulged their youngest to basically sit around and do nothing, while we worked tirelessly. He was that self-absorbed.
Just A Guy Wishing His Kids Said “Yes” Once In a While
What happened to kids listening to their parents? It seems whatever I ask my boys to do, the response is always some sort of “No,” whether it be questioning why I won’t do it myself or saying “later.” Am I missing something or have I just become a total wimp of a dad?
When did it become okay to disobey our parents with relative impunity? I guess when us boomers became parents and began spoiling our kids by giving them everything they wanted.
Just A Guy Without His Wife
I’m just a guy without his wife. She is out of town and, gulp, I have to admit I sort of like it. The reason she’s gone I don’t like, as her mother is having some serious surgery, and we’re all concerned. Putting that aside, I must say I’m enjoying the alone time. In short order, I will miss her as I love her dearly and appreciate all the good she brings into our house, for my boys and myself. But, for the moment, it’s sort of cool.
My parents were of that “other” generation. They met when they were 17 and 14, married in their early twenties, and were together EVERY day of their lives unless one of them was in the hospital. EVERY day, for 66 years. No typo. They also had lunch together nearly EVERY day. Theirs was a love for the ages.
Just A Guy Who Misses Holding (His Boys) Hands
The other night we were in a restaurant, no kids, and we heard a little boys uproarious laughing. He was giggling while he watched a little wind-up toy jump and flip in front of his hands. His youngish parents were enjoying his pleasure and delight and I found myself equally caught up in the spirit.
But, it also created a moment of melancholy as I reflected on how so many of those childhood joys were over with my boys. Now, honestly, there are many of those so-called passages that I certainly don’t miss. First on that list is the smell of baby wipes, and everything else that went with the diaper, poop, and changing stages. For years after they were toilet trained, I’d get a whiff of those smells, out of thin air, and breathe a sigh of relief that that phase was over.
For every one of those stages that I don’t miss are those, like in the restaurant, that I actually long for. Like when my boys would reach up and grab a hold of my hand. When walking hand-in-hand was special to them, even when they were so small that their arms were stretched up to reach my hand. I contrast that with my teen now, looking down on me, as I shake my finger up at him and announce “you’re grounded.”
Will the Kids Ever Leave?
What an interesting contemporary question: will the kids ever leave? I left home at sixteen to go away to college and never returned, except for visits. I stayed close to my parents, and they did help me financially through college, though I worked every summer to supplement my education expenses and pay for my own spending. ShortRib (my wife) and I wonder when will our kids be independent enough to afford to leave?
The other day I talked with a mother who has two teenage daughters. One is graduating from high school this year while the other has two more years to go. I asked what were their plans, and had she discussed it with her husband, and I was surprised to hear she had no clue. Neither she, her husband, or the kids really knew where the girls were heading, especially when it came to the idea of supporting themselves with a real job, after college.
Falling Between the Cracks – The Secret World of Home Schooling!
This is an old column of mine, but I thought I’d resurrect it given a recent tweet I read about home schooling. It was an extraordinary and very valuable experience for my son (and me).
I’ve recently become exposed to a secret world. One in which mere mortals rarely can glimpse. This world is populated by strange, passionate humans who apparently see things in a different light from the rest of us. They also reek of happiness and contentment. They appear to be eclectic in their approach to life and their children are like mini Renaissance Men and Women. No, I’m not talking about a cult, Scientology, or even Hollywood but, gulp, the underground world of home schooling!
A Hamster and Some Dead Birds
One of parenting’s biggest challenges is when to protect your kids from life and when to let them learn the truth about it. This is a regular challenge for most parents and me. When I was dating, it was unclear how much I should disclose to the boys or when I should introduce them to a woman I was seeing. When their mother abandoned them and literally disappeared, did I tell them the truth about her (mental) instability or gloss over it? When my parents were ill and dying, how much did I share with the boys about the details and how much should they witness? With my 401K now a 201K, how much do I tell them about what we’re all facing in this declining and uncertain economy?
